So i just downloaded Skype a few days ago. I can see this becoming a problem...
I Skyped with my ex while he was in school. That was fun. The chat was rated PG and I made him giggle. That in turn made me giggle. He's always been able to cheer me up...and he did.
Next I chatted with this devastatingly handsome Turkish guy, Andir or something. SO. FRIGGIN. CUTE. Like handsome in a Hollywood way. Jon Hamm beard, nice smile, dark eyes, and dimples. I barely flashed him!
Right after that, I chatted with this guy that I was hooking up with earlier this year. He was so turned on at seeing me that he drove an hour to come see me at like 2 am! I will dish about this more. Let's just say, he gave me what I NEEDED,
So it's night 3 of my Skype life and I chatted with this somewhat cute ginger from this chat room. His eyes were bulging out of his head. Surprisingly. I teased him a little, showed a little cleavage and then cut his shit off. It was mean, I know. But I like just met him!
I can see the power that skyping can give a woman and I am thinking this can be dangerous. I've sort of been getting a high off of it. Just last week, I was in the depths of depression. Now I am feeling, dare I say, okay with myself?
I know how this sounds, but fuck it. I think it's okay for a woman to feel good when she has some make-up on and her hair is done up. Is that so wrong? It really had an effect on my confidence. I looked like a woman, and dammit, I felt like one too. Still do!
It's amazing...the power of a push up bra, some lipstick, and a dab of masacara. They can make a world of a difference.
Not a permanent solution, but a temporary fix.
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Haters gonna hate.
There is one thing that I haven't really addressed yet that has been bothering me.
I know having a blog and putting my thoughts out there leaves me open to a world of critique and backlash. I get it. Obviously, no one is reading this sad sack excuse for a blog, but maybe someone will one day.
I guess what I am saying is, I get it. I acknowledge the fact that being this negative sad bitch leaves me exposed to a lot of hurtful things people may or may not have to say. I accept it. I'm not saying I want it. I just know that my poor attitude, writing, and general disposition are probably not going to make me any friends.
On a more positive note, I was hoping maybe this blog can be a place people can come to feel better about themselves.
A little about me, just for starters:
I live at home at the ripe age of 28. I have a '98 Ford Explorer that is (thank God) running pretty well. I can't afford a car payment, so I am stuck with what I got. I just quit my part-time job, thinking that NOT working 7 days a week would make me happier. The only thing I am now, is broker and left too long alone with my thoughts. I've managed to finally accumulate just over $3000 in the bank, and only because I closed out my 401k from my part-time job. I barely have any real relationships with people. No boyfriend. I'm severely overweight and unhealthy. Yes, I've tried and tried and tried and tried to fix this issue. I'd say that I am still trying, but I gave up on myself completely about...oh, maybe two days ago. My credit score is SHIT. I won't be getting a loan ANY time soon. My full-time job makes me want to hang myself some days (but whose job doesn't, right?). I would look for something else, but (yes you guessed right!) I have no discernible skills. I have an associates degree in (so cliche) Liberal Arts. It might as well double as a second diploma. It's just a stupid piece of paper that means nothing. I'm untraveled and have no hobbies. I'm not good at anything except eating, possibly sleeping. And I have the worst skin that I have ever seen. Okay, I'm exaggerating, but I'm nowhere close to pretty. Nowhere.
Doesn't reading all of that make you feel better? Yes, all the non-existent Yous out there! Really, it just makes me feel worse. Just a glimpse of some of my life flaws all grouped in one paragraph.
Well, for that one commenter (or many) that tells me to "shut the fuck up" or "go for a walk" or whatever other mean things they may say...let me say one thing. You can't be any meaner to me than I am to myself.
I know having a blog and putting my thoughts out there leaves me open to a world of critique and backlash. I get it. Obviously, no one is reading this sad sack excuse for a blog, but maybe someone will one day.
I guess what I am saying is, I get it. I acknowledge the fact that being this negative sad bitch leaves me exposed to a lot of hurtful things people may or may not have to say. I accept it. I'm not saying I want it. I just know that my poor attitude, writing, and general disposition are probably not going to make me any friends.
On a more positive note, I was hoping maybe this blog can be a place people can come to feel better about themselves.
A little about me, just for starters:
I live at home at the ripe age of 28. I have a '98 Ford Explorer that is (thank God) running pretty well. I can't afford a car payment, so I am stuck with what I got. I just quit my part-time job, thinking that NOT working 7 days a week would make me happier. The only thing I am now, is broker and left too long alone with my thoughts. I've managed to finally accumulate just over $3000 in the bank, and only because I closed out my 401k from my part-time job. I barely have any real relationships with people. No boyfriend. I'm severely overweight and unhealthy. Yes, I've tried and tried and tried and tried to fix this issue. I'd say that I am still trying, but I gave up on myself completely about...oh, maybe two days ago. My credit score is SHIT. I won't be getting a loan ANY time soon. My full-time job makes me want to hang myself some days (but whose job doesn't, right?). I would look for something else, but (yes you guessed right!) I have no discernible skills. I have an associates degree in (so cliche) Liberal Arts. It might as well double as a second diploma. It's just a stupid piece of paper that means nothing. I'm untraveled and have no hobbies. I'm not good at anything except eating, possibly sleeping. And I have the worst skin that I have ever seen. Okay, I'm exaggerating, but I'm nowhere close to pretty. Nowhere.
Doesn't reading all of that make you feel better? Yes, all the non-existent Yous out there! Really, it just makes me feel worse. Just a glimpse of some of my life flaws all grouped in one paragraph.
Well, for that one commenter (or many) that tells me to "shut the fuck up" or "go for a walk" or whatever other mean things they may say...let me say one thing. You can't be any meaner to me than I am to myself.
Random thoughts at 4am.
I think that I may start calling my period "my dark days." It's pretty much run it's course, and I am already feeling less depressed. I mean, yes, I still dislike everything about myself immensely and I don't see any sort of future for myself.
My aunt forced me to come out tonight. We went to Dizzle's house and made homemade pizza and rented a few movies. I filled up on medicine and wine. And cookies. They were old and stale, but I ate them anyway.
Overall, I am happy I went. Getting out was nice. I enjoyed a distraction from my generally sad existence. Still, I don't believe I will be going out again any time soon.
"Call Me Maybe" just came on my iTunes. I think I have Jordan to thank for this. Grrr.
I get sad so easily. I was just thinking, I really used to see myself as this smart and funny girl with a unique point of view and so much to say. It was all bullshit. I have nothing to say and it doesn't matter.
I actually saw this amazing trailer the other day. I'm going to see if I can figure out how to link it. I am still new to this blogging thing FYI.
The trailer for The Secret Life of Walter Mitty starts off with Ben Stiller saying, "Well I haven't really been anywhere noteworthy or mentionable." He is then asked if he has DONE anything of that sort. I guess the trailer resonated with me because I am a daydreamer as well. Maybe I spend too much time imagining these amazing life stories. But what's wrong with that? I know that I live an ordinary life. I will die an ordinary person and will be forgotten soon after I am gone. So in my dull boring life, I allow myself time to imagine a better life. Is that so bad?
I am realistic. I haven't and will never do anything noteworthy or mentionable. I wonder if others would be better off with this realization as well.
Well, like I said before, it was nice to get out. I'm not sure I will be going into work on Monday. I doubt it. A waste of a sick day, but I don't care maybe.
If anyone is reading this (which is so fucking unlikely) watch the trailer.
My aunt forced me to come out tonight. We went to Dizzle's house and made homemade pizza and rented a few movies. I filled up on medicine and wine. And cookies. They were old and stale, but I ate them anyway.
Overall, I am happy I went. Getting out was nice. I enjoyed a distraction from my generally sad existence. Still, I don't believe I will be going out again any time soon.
"Call Me Maybe" just came on my iTunes. I think I have Jordan to thank for this. Grrr.
I get sad so easily. I was just thinking, I really used to see myself as this smart and funny girl with a unique point of view and so much to say. It was all bullshit. I have nothing to say and it doesn't matter.
I actually saw this amazing trailer the other day. I'm going to see if I can figure out how to link it. I am still new to this blogging thing FYI.
The trailer for The Secret Life of Walter Mitty starts off with Ben Stiller saying, "Well I haven't really been anywhere noteworthy or mentionable." He is then asked if he has DONE anything of that sort. I guess the trailer resonated with me because I am a daydreamer as well. Maybe I spend too much time imagining these amazing life stories. But what's wrong with that? I know that I live an ordinary life. I will die an ordinary person and will be forgotten soon after I am gone. So in my dull boring life, I allow myself time to imagine a better life. Is that so bad?
I am realistic. I haven't and will never do anything noteworthy or mentionable. I wonder if others would be better off with this realization as well.
Well, like I said before, it was nice to get out. I'm not sure I will be going into work on Monday. I doubt it. A waste of a sick day, but I don't care maybe.
If anyone is reading this (which is so fucking unlikely) watch the trailer.
Saturday, October 19, 2013
Saturday...
Luckily, I no longer work Saturdays. For about 5 years, I worked almost every Saturday. Most Saturdays were working from about 8a-9p. It sucked royally. Still, somehow, after those long shifts I was able to muster up the energy to go out and do something.
Now that I am just working the one job, I don't even have to work any Saturdays. It's a blessing.
I was up today at 4am. Stayed up until about 6 and then woke up around 9 or 10a. I was up and cleaned. My sister made chocolate chip pancakes. I watched a bunch of my favorite Viners. I didn't even bother with Candy Crush because I was NOT interested in breaking down into tears or aggravating my already fragile state. I was in pain and took some pills and went back to sleep.
I slept for almost another 4 hours. It's Saturday, one of two days that I am lucky enough to not work. I can't even be bothered to be awake. What's the point? I'm mad that I have such a sour attitude. I'm wasting my life away. But honestly, I barely have a life, so I don't care.
I know that my apathy is annoying. It even annoys me sometimes. I want to be out there moving and shaking and laughing and living. I just don't have the energy right now. I just don't care enough. It's nice to be in bed and to not be awake or worry about the bullshit of my stupid life.
My aunt did invite me out. Of course her plans involved shopping. Unfortunately, unlike her and our other friend, I do not have money to blow every week on clothes or make-up or nonsense. I'm barely saving money. I'm 28 years old and I don't even have $2000 in my savings account. So pathetic. Okay, well I do have a small CD too, but it's really not much.
But like I was saying, I turned down the invite. It actually makes me feel bad to be around my two friends. They're both pretty and successful and in shape and stylish and confident. I literally look homeless next to them. Being around them brings me down, even when we are having fun. This is why they are out together, LIVING LIFE. I am home, alone in my room, writing to no one about nothing.
I guess I shouldn't wake up and just starting typing nonsense...
Rushmore was on last night and I DVR-ed it. I haven't watched it in so long. I remember being 15 like Max and watching this movie over and over. I was so idealistic like him. I had ideas and dreams and hopes. Now, I have my sleep.
My nails do look pretty in this light. Maybe I am glad I painted them last night.
Hopefully, the more I post, this blog will eventually have a direction/voice/purpose.
Who knows.
Maybe I'll watch Game 6. Probably not.
Now that I am just working the one job, I don't even have to work any Saturdays. It's a blessing.
I was up today at 4am. Stayed up until about 6 and then woke up around 9 or 10a. I was up and cleaned. My sister made chocolate chip pancakes. I watched a bunch of my favorite Viners. I didn't even bother with Candy Crush because I was NOT interested in breaking down into tears or aggravating my already fragile state. I was in pain and took some pills and went back to sleep.
I slept for almost another 4 hours. It's Saturday, one of two days that I am lucky enough to not work. I can't even be bothered to be awake. What's the point? I'm mad that I have such a sour attitude. I'm wasting my life away. But honestly, I barely have a life, so I don't care.
I know that my apathy is annoying. It even annoys me sometimes. I want to be out there moving and shaking and laughing and living. I just don't have the energy right now. I just don't care enough. It's nice to be in bed and to not be awake or worry about the bullshit of my stupid life.
My aunt did invite me out. Of course her plans involved shopping. Unfortunately, unlike her and our other friend, I do not have money to blow every week on clothes or make-up or nonsense. I'm barely saving money. I'm 28 years old and I don't even have $2000 in my savings account. So pathetic. Okay, well I do have a small CD too, but it's really not much.
But like I was saying, I turned down the invite. It actually makes me feel bad to be around my two friends. They're both pretty and successful and in shape and stylish and confident. I literally look homeless next to them. Being around them brings me down, even when we are having fun. This is why they are out together, LIVING LIFE. I am home, alone in my room, writing to no one about nothing.
I guess I shouldn't wake up and just starting typing nonsense...
Rushmore was on last night and I DVR-ed it. I haven't watched it in so long. I remember being 15 like Max and watching this movie over and over. I was so idealistic like him. I had ideas and dreams and hopes. Now, I have my sleep.
My nails do look pretty in this light. Maybe I am glad I painted them last night.
Hopefully, the more I post, this blog will eventually have a direction/voice/purpose.
Who knows.
Maybe I'll watch Game 6. Probably not.
Friday, October 18, 2013
The Militant Baker: FAT AND EASY: TOTALLY NOT SYNONYMS
The Militant Baker: FAT AND EASY: TOTALLY NOT SYNONYMS: Hold on to your britches ladies, shit is going to get real on this here blog for a minute or two. I remember the exact moment ...
Again, Jes has taken a page out of my life and written in words perfectly for me. WOW.
Again, Jes has taken a page out of my life and written in words perfectly for me. WOW.
Friday Night Plight
Hey all!
It's still Friday night! And I am still home like an old lump of lard.
Pat asked what I am doing. I responded that I am drinking and pretending to be interesting. I say pretending, because as we all know this blog really adds up to a bunch of nonsense that no one wants to read.
I am not your typical beer drinker. I'm more of a hard cider and sangria drinker. This summer I discovered this brand: Leinenkugel's. I bought the multipack and am currently enjoying a Lemon Berry Shandy.
It's sweet and mild and tasty.
I painted my nails. Not sure why. They look nice. But for who? I pretty much don't give a crap.
Master Chef Junior is on. Boy do these kids make me feel like a stupid, lazy unaccomplished idiot. I tried to make a Kayem hot dog and barely managed to get that cooked all the way through. SAD.
So like I said, I am sitting at home on a Friday night, drinking alone in my bedroom. It's so childish, but I just get so lonely and down. A lot of people stay in on a Friday night, yet they don't totally break down emotionally over it.
Oh well, "FUCK IT" is my answer to everything.
I refuse to watch Sleepy Hollow on tv. Maybe I will watch The Secret Garden again...
-__________-
It's still Friday night! And I am still home like an old lump of lard.
Pat asked what I am doing. I responded that I am drinking and pretending to be interesting. I say pretending, because as we all know this blog really adds up to a bunch of nonsense that no one wants to read.
I am not your typical beer drinker. I'm more of a hard cider and sangria drinker. This summer I discovered this brand: Leinenkugel's. I bought the multipack and am currently enjoying a Lemon Berry Shandy.
It's sweet and mild and tasty.
I painted my nails. Not sure why. They look nice. But for who? I pretty much don't give a crap.
Master Chef Junior is on. Boy do these kids make me feel like a stupid, lazy unaccomplished idiot. I tried to make a Kayem hot dog and barely managed to get that cooked all the way through. SAD.
So like I said, I am sitting at home on a Friday night, drinking alone in my bedroom. It's so childish, but I just get so lonely and down. A lot of people stay in on a Friday night, yet they don't totally break down emotionally over it.
Oh well, "FUCK IT" is my answer to everything.
I refuse to watch Sleepy Hollow on tv. Maybe I will watch The Secret Garden again...
-__________-
The Militant Baker: 25 THINGS FAT PEOPLE SHOULDN'T DO
The Militant Baker: 25 THINGS FAT PEOPLE SHOULDN'T DO: You don't have to look very hard to find vicious things on the internet. I was researching a cheeky concept for this blog p...
ANOTHER GREAT READ FROM JES.
ANOTHER GREAT READ FROM JES.
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