Saturday...

Luckily, I no longer work Saturdays.  For about 5 years, I worked almost every Saturday.  Most Saturdays were working from about 8a-9p.  It sucked royally.  Still, somehow, after those long shifts I was able to muster up the energy to go out and do something.

Now that I am just working the one job, I don't even have to work any Saturdays.  It's a blessing.  

I was up today at 4am.  Stayed up until about 6 and then woke up around 9 or 10a. I was up and cleaned.  My sister made chocolate chip pancakes.  I watched a bunch of my favorite Viners.  I didn't even bother with Candy Crush because I was NOT interested in breaking down into tears or aggravating my already fragile state.  I was in pain and took some pills and went back to sleep.

I slept for almost another 4 hours.  It's Saturday, one of two days that I am lucky enough to not work.  I can't even be bothered to be awake.  What's the point?  I'm mad that I have such a sour attitude.  I'm wasting my life away.  But honestly, I barely have a life, so I don't care.

I know that my apathy is annoying.  It even annoys me sometimes.  I want to be out there moving and shaking and laughing and living.  I just don't have the energy right now.  I just don't care enough.  It's nice to be in bed and to not be awake or worry about the bullshit of my stupid life.

My aunt did invite me out.  Of course her plans involved shopping.  Unfortunately, unlike her and our other friend, I do not have money to blow every week on clothes or make-up or nonsense.  I'm barely saving money.  I'm 28 years old and I don't even have $2000 in my savings account.  So pathetic.  Okay, well I do have a small CD too, but it's really not much. 

But like I was saying, I turned down the invite.  It actually makes me feel bad to be around my two friends.  They're both pretty and successful and in shape and stylish and confident.  I literally look homeless next to them.  Being around them brings me down, even when we are having fun.  This is why they are out together, LIVING LIFE.  I am home, alone in my room, writing to no one about nothing.

I guess I shouldn't wake up and just starting typing nonsense...

Rushmore was on last night and I DVR-ed it.  I haven't watched it in so long.  I remember being 15 like Max and watching this movie over and over.  I was so idealistic like him.  I had ideas and dreams and hopes.  Now, I have my sleep.

My nails do look pretty in this light.  Maybe I am glad I painted them last night.  

Hopefully, the more I post, this blog will eventually have a direction/voice/purpose.

Who knows.

Maybe I'll watch Game 6.  Probably not.